Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
