you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
