you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
