I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
