You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
