Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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