so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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