i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
