Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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