OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
