The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
