I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
