there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
