When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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