I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
