so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
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