Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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