Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
