Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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