How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
