there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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