Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
