My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
