You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The power of my boobs compel you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
