so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
