i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I need to stop coming to work sober
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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