how can u be prego again
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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