i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
