I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How's work?
Spinning.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
