Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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