Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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