i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love you. Go after that dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
