just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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