Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
