WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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