i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
