he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
