first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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