I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
