When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
