So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
