community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
