May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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