Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
