I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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