call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
