Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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