overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
