So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
