my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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