i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
