dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
