We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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