Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
